I'm kind of starting a new journey that I'm pretty excited/anxious about. I have decided to homeschool Theo for preschool. Well, seeing it written out like that makes it seem like I've been wigging out for nothing! It's preschool. Pre School.
Well, my OCD is in full vigor and I have researched a ton and figured out almost exactly how I want this to go down. I am in the process of lesson planning, craft material acquiring, book ordering, and self-sabotaging on Pinterest.
In truth, I really feel like this is the right choice for him and our family right now. We can't really afford the kind of preschool the older kids enjoyed, and I didn't want to send him to something I was unsure about.
Also CONFESSION: I don't spend enough INTENTIONAL time with Theo. It's quite sad, really. I've realized that I try to give him busy stuff to do while I go do the "important things". Most of my dealings with him seem to be discipline and getting him out of my way. That is awful to see written!
He is one of my most precious gifts and I have been squandering it by thinking that everything else is more important. I could write a whole book about this topic as it is so fresh on my mind and is peppered in every action I take.
So with that being said, I am excited to sit with him and look in his sweet face and teach him. We are using the Before Five in a Row curriculum, which is literature based, so I get to snuggle him while reading, sit with him at the table while he paints and writes, go on field trips with him, make cool alphabet snacks, play games, and just spend time with this precious fella.
I choose this as my verse for the season:
Colossians 3:23-24 "Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and the Master you are serving is Christ." NLT
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Monday, August 10, 2015
Meandering Ponderings
Boom! That's how quick the last few years have passed.
The children are all growing so fast and maturing at a rate I don't think is fair.
We are still here in CA - flying by the seat of our pants.
Trying now to raise preteens in this new age. Well, "tweens" I guess? And a preschooler. Together.
Trying not to cringe when I hear my four year old say, "whatevs" or "Boom! That's what!!" or "Your mama!" See what these "tweens" have done!
Trying not to cheer too loud when I hear my "tweens" spell the word "stupid" or "dumb" for that matter so as to protect the little ears. See what this four year old has done!
The question that lurks within my brain is this one... "What am I going to do once Theo's in kindergarten?" I ask myself this because it is one often asked to me. I reply with something like, "Hopefully I will go back to school and get my masters!" or "I'm not sure, I would love to get a job and start helping Travis out with the finances." But really, I have no clue. I waffle so much and see the benefits of going back to school, getting a job, and staying home to be available. So, I don't know!! The idea of figuring this out almost haunts me.
I know we are financially burdened with me at home with the kids. I know my mind suffers from not being challenged by new learning, that is just how I am wired - it is a burden. I know as the kids get older they continue to need my presence - if not more than before.
My own psychosis has me feel that each one of these choices is selfish. Each one is wrong. There is no right answer. There is no answer that will give me peace. Every way I turn there is this gut feeling that I will never be doing the right thing.
That is where I need God's grace every single day. I need God to fill in the gaps for all the problems of my day. I need God to fill my soul. This sacrifice of me being at home is not wasted, and hopefully the eventual evolution of me working or learning away from the home will not be the undoing of our family.
There's been a self-deprecating habit I have of considering myself less than everyone in my family. My needs are usually last on my list and it's built up in a way that I'm not sure what my needs are anymore. I'm not sure I can decipher what is a need or my own selfishness.
So as I combat this whole problem in my head and my heart, please keep me in your prayers. I desire to live with joy and peace - and I know God's the only one who can give that to me!
The children are all growing so fast and maturing at a rate I don't think is fair.
We are still here in CA - flying by the seat of our pants.
Trying now to raise preteens in this new age. Well, "tweens" I guess? And a preschooler. Together.
Trying not to cringe when I hear my four year old say, "whatevs" or "Boom! That's what!!" or "Your mama!" See what these "tweens" have done!
Trying not to cheer too loud when I hear my "tweens" spell the word "stupid" or "dumb" for that matter so as to protect the little ears. See what this four year old has done!
The question that lurks within my brain is this one... "What am I going to do once Theo's in kindergarten?" I ask myself this because it is one often asked to me. I reply with something like, "Hopefully I will go back to school and get my masters!" or "I'm not sure, I would love to get a job and start helping Travis out with the finances." But really, I have no clue. I waffle so much and see the benefits of going back to school, getting a job, and staying home to be available. So, I don't know!! The idea of figuring this out almost haunts me.
I know we are financially burdened with me at home with the kids. I know my mind suffers from not being challenged by new learning, that is just how I am wired - it is a burden. I know as the kids get older they continue to need my presence - if not more than before.
My own psychosis has me feel that each one of these choices is selfish. Each one is wrong. There is no right answer. There is no answer that will give me peace. Every way I turn there is this gut feeling that I will never be doing the right thing.
That is where I need God's grace every single day. I need God to fill in the gaps for all the problems of my day. I need God to fill my soul. This sacrifice of me being at home is not wasted, and hopefully the eventual evolution of me working or learning away from the home will not be the undoing of our family.
There's been a self-deprecating habit I have of considering myself less than everyone in my family. My needs are usually last on my list and it's built up in a way that I'm not sure what my needs are anymore. I'm not sure I can decipher what is a need or my own selfishness.
So as I combat this whole problem in my head and my heart, please keep me in your prayers. I desire to live with joy and peace - and I know God's the only one who can give that to me!
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